How to Get Through a Stressful Work Week

I’ve spent the past two weeks at work updating a 1,800 row, 18 column spreadsheet. By the time I got to row 300, I wanted to take the computer and wrap it around my boss’s throat (and she’s a boss I like). Luckily, she decided not to have me re-format it, so it could be finished during my lifetime, which made me like her even better. This is a list of tips for when, like me, you’re having a stressful work week.

  • Everyone does it, just don’t do it at the office.
  • Don’t take work home with you. Home is for reading in bed and binge-watching Netflix, not checking your phone every half hour.
  • Do something that relaxes you. For me, that’s a hot bath with lavender bubbles. For my Mom, it’s swimming. Unfortunately for her, it’s 35 degrees out.
  • Remember the things you like about your job. Personally, I like writing grants and updating our Facebook page. Work isn’t eight hours of straight misery. If it is, it’s time to switch jobs.
  • Daydream about your time off. The holidays are almost here. All you’ll have to worry about is fighting your way through the teeming mobs at the airport.

And remember, only 1,500 rows to go. You may want to take a stretch break

Five Tips for Party Photography

My company had its client Christmas party today and I took the photographs. I snuck around taking candid shots of my co-workers and our guests, eating, talking, and yes, smiling. This entry is a list of tips so you’ll be prepared if the same happens to you. Note: The talking ones sometimes look like they’re yelling.

  • If you point a camera at someone and tell them to smile, they will usually do it.
  • If you accidentally take a shot of your co-workers boobs, delete it before you send the link to the pictures around the office.
  • Be persistent. I took one photo of our receptionist literally running away from the camera. We laughed about it later.
  • Dance pictures are fun, especially if you give people time to warm up. They can be blurry though, so it helps to take a lot.
  • Turnabout is fair play. If someone offers to take a photo of you, then you have to say yes. A co-worker took an utterly ridiculous one of me with my eyes closed, busting out a dance move.

And remember, the best way to sneak a picture is to stand far away and use the zoom. They’ll never see you coming.

How to Survive a Gothic Novel

I’ve read a few Gothic novels in my time—the kinds that take place in deserted moors and eerie old manor houses. This is a list of tips on how to survive them. It isn’t a Gothic novel until someone catches the red death or gets murdered by a re-animated corpse.

  • Sleep on the ground floor. If there’s anyone the least bit unstable in the house, then they will burn it down.
  • Stay away from the amontillado. Enough said.
  • If there’s a room you’re not allowed into, that’s the room where the crazy first wife is. That guy you’re sponging the blood off of—he came from there.
  • Sometimes you have to flee across the heath until you collapse on the doorstep of the nice family who takes you in—lest you end up in the room where the crazy ex-wife is.
  • If you see a monstrous hound with glowing paws, don’t worry. It’s only your neighbor trying to murder you. The paws glow because he put phosphorus on them.
  • If it’s dead, stay away. Ghosts, vampires, living cadavers, they will all try to kill you.

If all else fails, head back to the city. But be careful, that’s where Jack the Ripper lives.

Easy Ways to Have Fun in the Snow

Where I live, it might snow in the next few days. More likely, it will be freezing slush that soaks through your boots and makes black ice. But a girl can dream. This is a list of fun, easy things to do in the snow.

1). Eat it. Snow tastes soft, crunchy, and delicious. Unless it’s yellow snow, don’t eat the yellow snow.

2). Make snow angels. All you have to do is lie on your back. If you like, and your clothes are warm enough, you can stay there a while and look at the sky.

3.) Snowballs. These work better with gloves. If you make too many without them, then your fingers go numb.

4.) If you have a hot tub, soak in it. Relax in the warm, chlorinated water and watch the flurries. Then reflect that you have it made.

5.) Write poetry. Nothing lends itself to a poem better than downy, cold flakes swirling through the night. It’s magic.

If you’re still at a loss, remember the carol: When the weather outside is frightful, and the fire is so delightful…