I lacerated my foot on an oyster this weekend. I have a big white spot around the cut and a jagged red line where it hasn’t closed. My flip flop got so much blood on it that it started attracting flies. That’s what I got for forgetting my water shoes.

I went to Spanish conversation hour tonight and figured out some new phrases “I cut my foot on the beach, and it hurts me” is “Yo cortí me pie en la playa, y me duele” or “Ow Ow Ow” for short. “Evil oysters is “Ostras malvadas.”

Here’s what to do if you cut your foot.

  • Don’t hop on one leg to the rag cupboard like I did (a band aid didn’t cut it). Hobble back and clean up the blood trail later.
  • Hydrogen peroxide is your friend. Antibiotic ointment is also your friend. Advil is your very best friend—take at least three.
  • Water is your enemy. You are going to have to do a lot of awkward sprawling in the bathtub, so your dressing doesn’t get wet.
  • Change your dressing once a day.
  • Keep your foot elevated like your mother told you.
  • Put ice on it. Ice not only eases swelling, it stops bleeding. I learned this from a short story where the heroine’s romantic interest gets his throat sliced. They tried, but ice couldn’t fix that one.
  • Do not wear flip flops on a beach full of oysters. They are sharp, well hidden, and easy to trip over.

They will get you.